When Life Gives You Lemons
by Amanda Fair
Summary: "Life's funny. One day, you're a Turk on top of the world, fighting monsters and kicking butt, the next you're watching Barney and wondering just how and when the seven-year-old by your side captured your heart." Reno plus kid…how much trouble could this
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or it's characters. But I do own Remona and this idea, so hands off! (:**

**Author's Note: **Okay, I was watching Advent Children and I just had this idea about Reno taking in an orphan...and here it is! I promise this will be funny, fluffy, and as long as I can make it, with sequels and spin-offs. I'll update as often as I, and my amazing beta XxDancerintheDarkxX, can.

PLEASE BE KIND AND REVIEW! Now, on with the show!

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**When Life Gives You Lemons**

**Chapter One: It All Started When the Monster Showed Up**

Well, how do ya start any amazing story of great adventures and immense battles, filled with action and shocks? I've got no clue, cause that ain't the story I'm telling, even though I am Reno, the mastermind of the infamous Turks. Adventures come with the suit, but the story I have to tell is just a little different from the usual. But it's still amazing and full of my incredible sense of humor, amazing wit, and awesome powers. Un-huh…but that's not quite the point.

I guess it all began the day that Kadaj, the dorky leader of the remnants of ole' Seph, kidnapped all those kids. Kidnapping little kids (orphans, too!)…tsk, tragic and tasteless, if ya ask me! Well, I guess not really…cause the Turks, well, we kidnap people on a daily bases, I guess, but not little kids! I mean, we _are _kinda moral…kinda.

Yeah, well, anyway, Kadaj and his gang kidnapped a bunch of little ankle biters and were doing strange, evil things in the middle of Edge City. They were pretty much intent on finding a mother that was basically a slimy alien in a glass jar. "Mother of the year", right? Huh, and Rude says _I'm weird! _I always knew there were stranger people out there in the world.

Mr. Shinra sent us to break up this little mother-son love fest, cause no one else could. I mean, Kadaj and his boys had brainwashed these kids and had them form a human shield around them. It's pathetic, really, 'cause that just meant we couldn't fire off machine guns or toss any bombs. But there were plenty of ways to bring the beat down on their skinny, pale butts!

And we ("we" being my partner, and me Rude, who definitely isn't as cool as yours truly,) were about to administer a major beat down on those dorks. I mean, they were remnants and had scary puppy dogs of doom on their side, but we're Turks! I was just about to go crazy on them when things changed. Right as I was charging the skinny one, all of a sudden a flipping, giant monster appeared right outta the sky!

"Hello!" I gulped, staring up at Bahamut with wide, wide eyes. _Of course _it's a giant monster from hell…it always is, isn't it?

"Hell no," Rude sighed sedately, calm even in the face of certain agony and major dismemberment. Yeah, calm…but he did run away! I'm happy to say that Rude, in the end, is just like me: A total chicken in the face of huge monsters. Oops, did I say chicken? I mean, totally together Turk who basically decided retreat was a very wise idea.

In other words… "Run for it!"

Whirling around, I ran for my Turkish life. As I was running, out of the corner of my eye I saw Rude grabbing two kids and lifting them up, carrying them out of harm's way. Tsk…showoff! I'll bet he was doing that 'cause Tifa was around somewhere…everyone knows my weirdo partner's got a crush on her.

But he was showing me up by rescuing the kids, so I was considering grabbing two weird, mind controlled kids to prove _I _was a good person when I saw HER! Yeah, I know: Sounds ominous, but this, this here is the important part of the story, so you boring people out there better start taking notes.

So, like I was saying: I was in the midst of running for my life when I noticed HER out of the corner of my eye. Immediately, I stopped and turned to face her direction, eyebrows raised in surprise at what I saw. Cowering right by Bahamut's massive, scaly leg was a little girl. She looked like she was about seven or eight, with messy, golden blonde hair in pigtails, wearing a tattered grey dress. A little girl cowering by one of Bahamut's legs…all alone in the world…scared…and, correct me if I'm wrong, but did I hear her whimpering?

NAH! It couldn't be! I mean, everything's so loud and stuff…but that soft little whimpering, crying sound seemed to echo in my ears. It made me wince at the loudness. I think this means I've finally gone crazy…or else…or else I'm going soft, but the latter isn't even feasible. I'm Reno, right?

"Reno," Yep, that confirmed it, "you got a new death wish? Move!" Rude shouted in my ear, which brought me back to reality. What he said sounded smart, running for my life, I mean. But something made me whirl around and smile helplessly at my partner.

"Umm…don't leave without me, big fella," I exclaimed, turned tail, and started running headlong TOWARDS the evil bad guys. Lost it, I have!

"You're gonna get killed!" His voice shouted after me, but I just waved him off.

"You say that everytime I do something stupid!" I called and flung him a quick grin; considering how many times I do stupid things, he says that a lot. Yeah, I acknowledged that Rudester had a point, but the kid was about to be stomped on, killed by a giant monster. I may be a merciless Turk, but I KNOW I have a heart!

It's that annoying thing beating against my ribcage, right?

"Geez, I'm really losing it!" I shouted a second before I dove forward daringly, snatching that little girl outta harms way, and up into my arms. I heard her little gasp as she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, burying her little face in my shoulder. Of course, I didn't have time to focus on any of that, 'cause I was too busy trying to save both our skins, 'cause Bahamut had noticed there was movement going on by his huge foot. I chanced a glance to see the monster opening his huge mouth, growling and gathering up energy for an attack.

"Aww, man, this'll hurt!" I exclaimed and picked up the pace, unknowingly tightening my arms around the little girl. All I could think of was getting to safety, getting away from the giant monster that was two seconds from energizing our brains out, and RIGHT when I thought I was safe, in the clear, a loud noise like an explosion rocketed from right behind me. I cursed and gripped the girl tight against my chest, just as I was knocked off my feet. Subconsciously, as I flew through the air, I twisted so _I _landed agonizingly on my back, making certain the girl was safe.

OUCH! Sometimes, I really hate that big, ole' heart of mine.

"Reno! Ditch the girl and let's fight!" Rude shouted, obviously not concerned that I was lying on my back, possibly dead. Grunting, I sat up and winced, noting dully that there were probably at least three new bruises on my back, maybe a cracked rib or two. When I looked up, I noticed Rude had dropped his kids off, letting them run for safety. But this girl…well, I don't know, but as I looked at her wide, bluish purple eyes…well, I just couldn't "ditch her and fight".

"Rude, cover me!" I shouted, and leapt up, sprinting away from the battle.

"WHAT?" My partner exclaimed in astonishment, eyeing Loz and Yazoo who had suddenly appeared in front of him, seemingly ready to fight. Aww, he could take umm'!

"I'll owe you one!" I managed to get out over my shoulder, but I didn't stop running. But relax! Rude's a big boy (boy, is he!) so I knew he could handle himself. So, while Rude faced jerk one and two, I ran into Edge City. Hey! Those two weren't exactly kid friendly, ya know? I ain't going soft, just logical! Okay, so maybe the little girl in my arms was a little cute, what with her golden hair and wide, wide eyes...aww, man! I sound like such a sap, I know, but I wasn't putting her down without making absolute sure she was gonna be safe.

So, I ran from the battle to the sound of Rude shouting out every single obscenity he could think of at me, and towards the big buildings of Edge City. As soon as I was a safe distance away from the battle, I dropped to one knee and gently placed the girl down in an old, abandoned alleyway.

The girl stood in front of me, clutching her little hands together, staring into my light green eyes with those purplish blue orbs of her. Gee…she's got such wide, cute little puppy dog eyes! Even a TURK couldn't resist those eyes!

"Listen, kid," I started calmly, as the girl listened, "I don't know if you noticed, but Godzilla decided to show up for tea time…or maybe he mistook Edge for Tokyo…something like that. That shiny headed fellow over there and I are good at dealing with big, scary monsters, so I'm gonna go fight him. You just stay safe _right here _and I'll be back afterwards." I explained dryly, mentally wondering where that last part came from.

Huh? I mean, I'd be back later? Darn my stupid, big mouth that spouts out stupid things without the boss brain's permission! But the little girl's eyes widened and she nodded quickly, her face pale. She looks thin, too! I mean, don't they feed these kids out on the streets?

"Okay…" She whispered quietly, as though afraid to speak up. I nodded dumbly, staring at her for a second, wondering what to do now. I mean, wasn't there something I was supposed to be doing?

"RENO! Get your scrawny butt over here, or I'll knock your underused brains out!" Ah, thank you for that kindly reminder, Rude! That's exactly what I need to do.

"Oh, right! Stay here, I'll be back. Bye kid!" I managed and scrambled into the battle Rude had started without me. Jerk.

"Havin' fun playing with your girlfriend, moron?" Rude asked loudly, punching at the brawny Loz with vigor. I grinned, readying my stun baton.

"The time of my life!" I snarled and leapt into battle with both feet. Oh, yeah! Felt good being a Turk and in the heat of battle! But why did my mind keep straying to that kid, wondering if she was okay?

Gee, am I going soft or something? Tsk, nah!

Five hours and many bruises later, the world had been saved…again. Kadaj and his gang had been put in their place, namely the dirt, and Mr. Shinra (my boss) was safe and sound. All of that in one single, short day…man, there were times I thought us folks were just amazing!

But even though fighting giant monsters and wako remnants took a lot of energy and concentration, that little ankle biter from earlier was never far from my mind. I did say I'd be back, now didn't I? But as I slipped away from the rest of my Turk brethren, and Mr. Shinra, my mind immediately went to the idea that I could just…NOT go back after the girl. But, before everyone starts grabbing pitchforks and torches to go after the monster named Reno…I didn't go with that thought.

Nope, as I said to her: Second I could get away, which was four or five hours later, I slipped away from the "we saved the world at impossible odds yet again" party and headed for the alleyways. Being a Turk, therefore with a memory of a steel trap, I remembered exactly where I sat the girl down.

"Kid?" I called, as I approached the now dark alleyways. "Kid, it's me…umm, the redheaded guy from earlier?" I yelled, hands stuff in pockets as I looked around, feeling awkward. I'd forgotten to give the twerp my name. Geez, I'm such an absentminded person when the skies open up, revealing sharp-toothed monsters. After five minutes of silence, I figured the little kid had gotten tired of waiting and ran off somewhere safe, possibly back to her parents, and figured on leaving.

But right as I was turning to go, a noise at the back of the alley made me stop and glance back. I waited impatiently (did ya think I, the great Reno, would actually wait patiently for something?) before I saw something. The little girl scurried out from the back of the alley, her face weary as she approached me with slow steps. Now, as stupid and sappy as it sounds, I freely admit to grinning in relief at the sight of her, safe and sound.

"Are the monster and the bad men gone?" She called fearfully, her eyes flashing to the entrance of the alley behind me. I nodded proudly, beckoning her forward.

"Yep! They're all gone, monster and jerks that summoned it. You can come on out." I said, my voice a tad softer than usual. But it's not like _I _was going soft! It was just…just, umm, just quiet outside and I didn't want to be a loud mouth for the world to hear, right? Right! So, anyway, the little girl scurried out of the darkness, clutching at her grey dress as she stared up at me. Without really knowing why, I crouched down in front of her, managing a sincere smile.

"Hey! Umm…so, where are your parents?" I asked, shaking off these weird thoughts as I realized I had to get her home…wherever "home" may be.

"I don't have any parents." The little girl whispered, lowering her head till her chin nearly touched her chest. My eye twitched slightly and something…I don't know, but something soft, kind, moved in my chest. Well, something similar to that, anyway.

"No parents, huh? Where do you live?" Okay, now my voice was _really _soft! But again: I'm not heartless. You _can _be a Turk and have a heart, you know. It's not totally impossible.

The girl mumbled something no human being could hear.

"What was that?"

"I live wherever, on the street." The girl admitted with a low voice, as though ashamed, or something. My face fell; of course, I expected this! I mean, there were tons of orphans in Edge City…tons, I tell ya! But, somehow, I was hoping she wasn't one of them. That way I could deposit her on her parents' doorstep, and not lay awake at night, wondering whether she was okay or not.

Ugh, what a bleak future! And you know what, I have no idea HOW, but this kinda left me with a moral dilemma. Ooh, I love those! I love to wave at them as they fly on by! But on to the actual dilemma, Option A: I could leave the girl on the street, merrily calling, "Well, have a nice life, kid!" and go on my way and be happy and content, maybe getting a little drunk later on. Can admit it now: I'm rather partial to good ole' Option A!

Option B is more difficult. I could take the kid off the streets, let her stay at my place for the night, and then take her to a decent orphanage tomorrow and insist she be adopted into a family just like those old, corny TV shows. Option B is more difficult…cause a kid, at my place? Yikes. I'm not a kid person. But, then again, how would I know? I don't exactly hang around with kids, ya know? Not unless I'm kidnapping them or threatening their parents, or something along those lines.

Now, I was quite content staying inside my brain, (ignoring my heart, of course) seeing nothing, as I dealt with the pros and cons of both situations, but fate had other plans. All of a sudden, my eyes were focusing on the little girl as she stood in front of me, her eyes never leaving my face.

She was so short! Yeah, I know she's a little girl, but she was way too short, thin, and small…way too tiny, even for a little girl! Her face was round and the skin looked velvety to the touch, despite the streaks of dirt here and there. Her hair was spun gold, sloppily done up in two girlish pigtails, which only added to the cuteness of the girl. But it was her eyes that held my attention. I mean, in one light, they looked blue…in the other, purple! It was absolutely bizarre and somehow…entrancing.

_Get a grip, Reno! _I thought to myself angrily. _Have you lost your Turk mind? You can't take her home like some stray puppy! I mean, it would look so…so weird! And nice, and nice isn't you! _But in spite of my brain protesting, it seemed like my heart was in charge for the moment. What a brilliant, stupid change of pace!

"Umm, kid? How bout, err…how's about you come home with me for the night? You could have some hot food, hot bath, sleep in a nice bed…and tomorrow, I'll bring you to a place that gives orphans a home, okay?" I asked awkwardly, mentally kicking myself with every word of the way. Grr…if Rude hears about this…well, he won't! She'll be gone by tomorrow, right? Of course right! The little girl raised her head and she stared at me, her little eyes wide. Geez, those eyes could melt the Antarctic, and unfortunately, my heart's not nearly as cold.

Too bad.

"I can stay with you, really?" She asked, her tone was beyond hopeful. Fighting back a wince, I nodded.

"Yep, sure," I mumbled, scratching at the back of my head. As soon as I spoke, I was nearly knocked backwards when the girl launched herself into my arms. Tsk, affectionate little thing, wasn't she? But I touched her back delicately and held her, mustering up a half smile.

"Okie dokie, kid! Let's, umm, let's go home," and somehow, as soon as those words left my mouth, I knew, just knew, I had been suckered into some kind of sap trap or something like it. This girl, with her big eyes, wasn't about to let me get off as easily as keeping her overnight, then letting her go.

Nah, her adorable eyes held me pinned, and I couldn't think of any way to get free. I was stuck.

And THAT is how the story begins, with just a Turk sap and a seven-year-old girl! But isn't that how it always begins? Tsk, yeah right!

**Author's Note: **So, there you have it!!! Was it good? Funny? Fluffy? Let me know! (See the little green thing at the bottom of this page? That's the review button…press it, and leave some joy in an author's life!)


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

Okay, I should've posted this, like, a billion years ago but my life is busy sometimes…rarely. Anyway. Thank you to ever one who reviewed and please review again! I hope this chapter is very cute and an introduction to my character. Much more will come in the future! Next chapter will come within two weeks, promise!

This was beta-ed by my lovely friend xXDancerintheDarkXx!

**Chapter One: The Naming Game**

So, me, Reno, cold-hearted Turk who's killed tons of people…was holding the hand of a small, blonde girl. Yep, if anyone from work saw this, my reputation is dog food.

In my defense, she's the one who stuck her soft, hesitant hand in mine. And hey! It wasn't like I could just drop her hand and move on. I mean…I could have, but…but I didn't want to, so THERE! 'Sides, I was far too busy with my thoughts to really notice. I mean, me, Reno, taking in a homeless orphan for the night? How would I explain it to the other Turks? Well, I didn't have to! The girl would be gone by tomorrow and I'll have forgotten about this whole thing by next week.

"Umm, excuse me?" A tiny voice asked, and I snapped out of my thoughts. I glanced downwards.

"Yeah, kid?" I asked, wondering what she could possibly have to say to me.

"Umm, umm…what's your name?" the little girl finally managed to get out. I blinked and then chuckled, realizing I had forgotten the always important introduction! I guess ole' Shinra forgot to train their Turks in manners, eh?

"I'm Reno, kid, Reno the Turk at your service!" I exclaimed and bowed with flourish, my red ponytail falling across my shoulder. The girl held up a hand to stifle a giggle, which proved she was capable of actual happiness and not stuck in pathetic puppy mode all the time.

"What's a Turk?" she giggled and, yet again, that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"You don't know what a Turk is?" I asked incredulously, and she shook her head in a definite 'no'. "Good gosh… I'll explain it later, when we get back to my place." I mumbled, massaging my forehead a little. She didn't even know about the Turks! What kind of pathetically educated girl did I pick up, anyway?

Oh, well. Turk stories make great bedtimes stories. Heh, I still have my sarcasm. But as I walked back to my meager dwellings, something hit me, and I glanced down at the girl who still held my hand. Huh… names… I hadn't asked for hers, now had I?

"Kid, ya know, I didn't catch your name." I said and took a sharp turn down an alleyway, taking the back way home so I didn't run into anyone from work. That'd look bad, ya know.

Complete silence… and then, "I don't have a name," okay now, THAT stopped me dead in my tracks.

"What?" I exclaimed, my eyes bugging, "Ya don't have a name, kid? How can you be however old you are without having a name?" I shouted, flinging my hands up dramatically. Geez, was this kid the most pathetic thing in the world, or what? An orphan, lives on the streets, has no name…man, did her life bite, or what?

Little miss "no name" lowered her head and stood there, not looking up, as she made circles in the dirt with her foot.

"My mama and daddy… they died a really long time ago. They named me of course, but it… a really long time ago, but I can't remember. I grew up on the streets, so I don't know my name." She said softly, as I leaned against the brick wall; I crossed my arms. Hey, I could spare a few moments for this! 'Sides no way Rude, or anyone else for that matter, could ever find me out here.

"Well, what about your friends? What'd they call you?" I asked, my voice growing quiet, as I frowned a little.

"Don't got no friends. Don't got anyone, so nobody needs to call me anything. I managed all by myself." The girl said and raised her head suddenly. I was struck by something I saw in the depths of her eyes in that second. And NO! I haven't suddenly turned soft or poetic. I just… just could see it so clearly; there was no mistaking what it was.

It was a fiery brand of fierce determination, and heart breaking loneliness. I've seen it before in adults' eyes, adults who've been put through the ringer and come out stronger, sadder. I've seen it in the eyes of a lot of people, those who've lived through hell, who still managed to love and still fight for their right to be happy in this crazy, mixed up world. I've seen that look in many eyes.

I see it in my own… every morning.

That's enough about me, all right? Seeing THAT look in a little kid… well, it just didn't seem right, ya know? Yet there wasn't a single thing I could do, really. I can't change the past; I should know that by now, 'cause I've tried.

"Sorry," I mumbled and looked down, frowning fiercely. I had to get these stupid thoughts under control before I did something stupid, like care. But when I looked up, a thought hit me and I plastered on a silly little grin.

"Well, if you don't have a name, I'll just name you myself!" I said, nodding my head decisively. Immediately, the little girl's eyes lit up.

"Really, you'll give me my very own name?" she asked, practically bouncing up and down. I grinned at her apparent happiness, not being able to resist.

"Yep!" I said and pretended to think hard. "Hmm…how about 'squirt'?" I asked seriously, but she just wrinkled her nose and shook her head, "'Twinkle toes'? 'Midget'? 'Ankle biter'?" Hmm, seemed those names were making her laugh, but they didn't seem to fit her. Well, actually, they did, but she wasn't about to let me call her that from now on.

So, I decided to seriously think about what I could call the munchkin. Right off the bat, a name popped into my head.

"Reno," Unfortunately, that name was taken by yours truly. "Reno," I mused, and a sudden idea hit me. "Remo…Remon…Remona!" I exclaimed, and snapped my fingers. I glanced down at the little girl. Growing a little excited, I dropped down to one knee in front of her, never minding the dirty street.

"Remona, huh, How 'bout it, kid?" I asked eagerly, thinking I was brilliant. Remona and Reno…whoa, whoa, WHOA! Where did that thought come from? She wasn't going to be around long enough to be "Remona and Reno", Right?

But while I was going through the stress of having your heart jump ahead of your brain, the little girl smiled. And not just a normal smile, like most people smiled, or a superficial smile… well, like the ones I smile, but an honest to goodness, really happy, absolutely sweet and ecstatic type smile.

"Remona. My name…is Remona." She, Remona, whispered to herself, as though she could hardly believe it. But then, she raised her head and grinned at me.

"Remona. Thank you, Reno!" She cried and for, what, the second time today, threw her tiny arms around my neck in a giant hug. And, yet again, for the second time that day, I found myself nearly knocked off my feet as I "oomphed" and patted her back gently.

"No problem, kid. I mean… Remona," I chuckled and actually sounded sincere. This girl was… well, kinda cute and sweet, like some kind of angel or something.

Ick. An angel? Kill me now! I am SO going soft, and that is SO bad for my profession as a Turk!

Still, why did that phrase, Reno and Remona, sound so good and RIGHT to me? Ugh, I gotta get therapy.

**Author's Note,**

PLEASE REVIEW! If I get about five reviews, I'll update faster, kay?


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

**I'm soooo sorry this chapter was so late! Regrettably, both I and my beta were extremely busy, especially my beta. The poor dear was ATTACKED by a surprise visit from the grandparents. Have sympathy! **

**Please enjoy and I promise the next chapter will be up much sooner!**

**And PLEASE review! It takes five seconds and it gives me hope for the next chapter. If I can get five or six reviews per chapter, I'm happy. And, you could also review my other stuff, if you wanted. ^-^**

**Chapter Two: Kiddy Proofing**

Five minutes of walking in relative silence and peace and…we reached my place! Shinra pays for my lodgings, so I'm sure you expect me to live in a veritable palace, right? Wrong! Nah, I live in a dorky little apartment in Edge City…no pets, no girls, no one bothers me. Not exactly a bachelors' paradise, but people give me space, leave me alone, and they don't ask questions. So I'm happy with my meager dwellings. Yep, but as I stood outside the door, I realized my home isn't…what's the word?

Kiddy proof.

"Umm, could you wait out here for a sec? I've to straighten up real quick inside." I questioned, bending down to Remona's level with an easy smile. The little girl looked uncertain, glancing around the dark back streets with a fearful look in her eyes. Major wince.

"Umm, fine. You can come in, but stay in the foyer, kay? I, err, need to fix things up a little." I mumbled, and stuffed a hand in my pocket; I retrieved my key. Shoving it into the lock, I yanked open the door, then I hurried the little girl inside and off the scary streets. Once within the dark foyer of my semi big apartment, I whirled around and grinned down at the little blondie.

"Now, you stay RIGHT HERE for a moment whilst I fix everything up. Then I'll show you around, give you the grand tour, and get you something to eat, kay?" I asked, and Remona nodded, smiling slightly as she glanced around.

"Okie dokie." Remona said cutely, making my eyes twitch. Good Gaia…she was waaaaaay too cute! It'd burn my retinas out before the night was up, I just knew it.

"I'll be right back!" I cried, and ran into my apartment, mind on overdrive. Kids, children….children, kids…what kind of environment did they like? I'm a Turk; I don't know these things! Do I look like "parent of the year" from the other side of a gun? I thought not. I mean, I know what sort of environment I liked: Alcohol, smokes, guns, brawls, and babes. Yep, not so kiddified, eh? I've got to clean all that up.

"Okay!" I exclaimed as I rubbed my hands together; and I glanced around my meager dwellings. What first? "Umm, cigarettes are definitely not good!" I started, rushing forward to my coffee table in front of the couch. Without a second thought, I grabbed up the cigarettes, ash, and ashtray, dumping them all into the garbage at the same time. With a slight flinch, I stared down at the ruined cigarettes with longing, but then Remona's face entered my mind, and I shrugged. I'm a Turk. A day or two without smokes wouldn't kill me.

Hurt like hell, yeah, but not kill me.

"Umm, alcohol…that's gotta go!" I dove for the wine bottles next, tossing them onto the top shelf of the closet in my bedroom, along with all my other junk. Next, I ran all through the apartment, grabbing up random items like guns, ammo, "interesting" magazines, homemade grenades, knives, handcuffs, money, and anything else I could find that I deemed unsuitable for children. I then tossed everything into my bedroom closet. In the end, I had to lean against the door to close it, but at least they were picked up and the living room looked kind of neat. A rare sight, ya might say.

Lastly, I turned to the TV. Not really knowing why, since she wasn't going to be around for too long, but I felt I should block all the adult channels and stuff. But that was cool, 'cause toons are way better to watch, anyways; in spite of the fact that Elena calls me immature and childish on a daily bases. To which I reply sophisticatedly: "I know you are, but what am I?"

Satisfied that at least the living room looked clean and tidy, I turned on my heel and marched off toward the foyer. Remona was still standing there, looking around with curious eyes; she glanced up at my approach.

"Okay, Remona! You can come on in now and I'll give ya the grand tour!" I offered with an easy grin. "Sorry 'bout the mess, but I ain't home all that often, ya know?" I apologized, leading her into the living room, proudly showing off my humble abode. Veeeery humble, if ya ask me…but blame Tseng! He's the one that issues forth my pathetically small paycheck.

"This is the living room, the basic hangout of my pad." I gestured around the most popular spot in my pad, complete with its couch, chairs, a coffee table, and a nice sized TV. I spent most of my time out there, feet up on table, smoke in one hand, beer in the other, as I watched those intellectual channels that help me relax. Ya know, cartoons and MTV.

"It's nice." Remona commented politely, her colorful eyes wandering around the room, as though she hadn't seen anything quite like it. Geez, if she was impressed with my measly living room, then she definitely doesn't get out much. Ah, well, I guess an orphan on the streets doesn't get "in" much, rather. It makes sense.

"Okay! Umm, I have three different junk – I mean, three different "guest" rooms." I corrected myself, as I led her through my junky kitchen, which only served as a container for take-out cartons and toxic waste. On the way through, I also showed her the bathroom and attic, which she smiled at and nodded. Quiet, nice kid, I guess. And now, I had reached the most important part of the tour: Her room for the night.

"Just glance in these three rooms and take your pick. Wherever you wanna stay for the night is fine with me." I explained with a shrug, pulling open the three rooms that were once the guest rooms and now served as waste holders. Heh, basically I tossed junk in them for, umm…"safekeeping". But they weren't too messed up, and I could always straighten them up while she was in the shower.

Sigh. Turk turned maid…how depressing.

"I can pick?" Remona asked, cocking her blonde head to the side curiously. Nodding, I grinned slightly and bowed with flourish.

"Yep! Just pick any one ya like and take it." I offered charitably, since I didn't really care. And seeing as how she was only going to be there for one night, she might as well take her pick, eh? I lifted my brows slightly as the girl went into one room, looked around, then into the other. It seemed to take forever! Finally, Remona stopped at the room closest to mine and whirled around.

"You live there, right?" She asked, pointing her little hand to my bedroom door. I nodded, giving her a curious look.

"Yep." Remona smiled slightly, and moved to the room closest to mine, gracing me with a triumphant look in her eyes.

"Okay! If you sleep there, I'll sleep here. Then I can be closer to you, Reno." Remona smiled like an angel…a puny, winged angel that had just shot a barbed arrow straight into what should be a black heart. Mine. Only, the way it kinda turned over in my chest, I figured it wasn't pitch black anymore.

"Umm…okay, sure, yeah." I mumbled, scratching at the back of my head as I tried not to look into her mesmerizing blue-purple eyes. Kids…that's what they are: Witches and spell casters in disguise. I had half a mind to check her for a Charm Materia.

"So!" I exclaimed, rubbing my hands together, trying to get my mind off the little charmer. "Whatcha wanna do now? Eat, shower, sleep…you name it, kid, and we can do it!" I grinned cheerfully, waving a hand about my humble abode; I gave her the chance to do whatever she wanted. It was only fair! She was the guest here, right? The little bundle of pathetic cuteness cocked her head to the side, thinking. Finally, she smiled uncertainly.

"I haven't had a bath in a long, long time. Could I…Reno?" Remona asked in that cute little voice of hers.

Inwardly, I sighed in relief. Bath! I could handle this… I could handle this! Just get the rug rat into the tub, find some food, get her to sleep, and then get her outta my hair. It was a brilliant plan, right? Yep, but I had the uncanny feeling something was going to go wrong… it was a rule of life: Anything that can go wrong will when dealing with small children and animals.

"A bath? Sure, kiddo! Allow me to escort you." I bowed theatrically, which enticed a small giggle from Remona. A cute, little squeaky laugh… my mind will be mush before the evenings up. Gesturing for her to follow, I lead the little blondie towards the bathroom door, and I opened it with flourish.

Remona looked in with slightly wider eyes. Yes, judging by her dank little outfit and smudged face, she hadn't see bath or soap in quite some time. You don't exactly get showers and hotel mints when you live on the streets. Shaking off those semi-dark thoughts, I smiled and crouched down in front of Remona.

"Okay! So, you go in there and shower to your hearts content. You can't change back into that…ugh, outfit, so I'll get you something to wear for the night. While you bathe, I'll rustle up some grub, kay?" I asked, patching my plan together. So far, bathing, clothing, and eating were as far as I got, but eventually I'd figure out how to survive the night, and what to do with her in the morning.

Remona smiled uncertainly, making a move towards the bathroom.

"Thank you, Reno." Not knowing why, I patted her little head, which caused her to giggle once more, and straightened with a smirk, watching her head into the bathroom.

"I'll lay your clothes on the sink in a minute!" I called, as she closed the door. As soon as I heard bath water, I was off and running. My mind, usually organized, was on overdrive. I mean, I was a Turk not a babysitter! For crying out loud, what do you do with kids? Why couldn't I have adopted a puppy instead?

"Okay! What to do, what to do?" I muttered under my breath was I darted into my room. First things first: She needed something to wear. I was not about to let a perfectly clean little girl get into that flea-infested rag of a dress. In fact, I made a mental note to have it burned later on. But what do I have in my closet a girl could wear? I mean, I'm a guy, and definitely taller then she is. Everything I wear is about twenty sizes too big for Remona.

"Improvise!" I commanded myself as I flung open my closet. All I had in there were two black suits (my uniform), a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a pajama set. The rest of my clothes were all spread out in various corners of my room and under the couch, waiting to be mercifully washed and hung back up again. Yeah, like THAT'D happen soon!

Hey! I never claimed I was neat.

I stared into the closet for five minutes before an idea hit me. Reaching inside, I grabbed the pajama set and tossed it on my bed. Next, I got out a pair of scissors and went to work shortening the arms and legs of the PJs. When finished, I held my creation up with a proud smile.

"Okay! It's still too big, but it'll do." I said decisively, taking a moment to bask in my geniusness. Yeah, I'm brilliant, I just made a pair of kid pajamas. Man, will Tseng be proud of me in the morning! Definitely gonna ask for a raise tomorrow.

"Step two, down!" I grinned, and took up the pajamas, leaping towards the bathroom. I paused in front of the door and cleared my throat, lightly tapping the door.

"Umm, Remona? I'm gonna take your dress and drop off some of my clothes you can wear for the night. Take your time in there, I have to get food." I called and shot my arm in, dropping down the pajamas and grabbing up her dress. Yes, burning it, instantly.

"Thank you, Reno!" A little voice called and my eyes darted into the bathroom. The only thing I could see was a pair of blue eyes coming from the midst of a mountain of white, foamy bubbles. I blinked. I don't even HAVE bubble bath… or do I? Boy, she's only been here for an hour and already she's trashed my bathroom.

Heh. It doesn't matter. After one of my harsher binges, I did worse things in that bathroom. I could clean it up tomorrow. For right now, I have a dress to burn and food to find. Whew! This is nearly as exhausting as being a Turk! Who knew a little blonde haired, blue-eyed girl could run me rampant?

Not I, says the Turk.


	4. Chapter 3: Finding Food and Other Danger

**Disclaimer: STILL don't own the Turks, Reno, Tifa…or anything, really. I do own the two-week-old pizza and Remona, so no stealing! **

**Author's Note:**

Yay! New chappie and it's up sooner then the others! Woot! Anyway. Hope ya'll enjoy this…it's a short chapter, sure, but I wanted to put something online fast, cause I'll be traveling this week and I don't know when the next one will be up. Thanks go out to all who read and review! MAJOR THANKS goes to my wonderfully wonderful beta, xxXDancerinthedDarkXxx! Reno loves ya too, cause he told me. Anyway, enjoy and review!

Chapter Three: Finding Food and Other Dangers

So, I'm a grown Turk, trained to kill and do generally bad things…with a blonde in the bathtub. Unfortunately, the blonde is about 15 to 20 years too young for that statement to be nearly as exciting as it sounds.

Nah, I've got an ankle biter in the bath that's undernourished and most definitely in need of food, and fast! Too bad I generally don't keep food on hand or go to the supermarket. I mean, isn't that why God created take-out? 'Cause being a housewife isn't in my job description. Yet I had to find something to feed the kid.

But upon closer inspection, I found my fridge was empty of everything expect a cartoon of expired milk, 2 week old pizza, and something that COULD have been cheese, but now it looked more like a green, moldy experiment worthy of Hojo's radiation laboratory.

"Hmm. I'm guessing kids don't eat any of this." I mused, rubbing my chin in thought as I went over what to do next. The kitchen held no food and the take-out places were probably closed due to huge monsters appearing out of the sky earlier. Yeah, they were probably celebrating "we've survived another massive disaster by sitting on our butts and letting someone else do all the work". Jerks.

So, no take out places, no kitchen, which left…a blank mind that held no answer.

"What to do?" I wondered, sitting on the edge of the counter. Running through my mental list of things and places to eat, I realized there was only one place that would be open and serving food. And it was…

"Oh, hell no." Seventh Heaven, Greeaaaat! There's nothing like entering the territory of Tifa and Spikes-for-Brains for the sake of a six-year-old. Yep, I definitely couldn't let the guys from work see this, that's for sure.

"Aww, might as well get this over with!" I grumbled, and leapt off the counter, grabbing a jacket on the way out. I had to get there and back before Remona got done with her bubble bath. Fortunately, I'm cursed with bad enough luck to be a mere two blocks from Seventh Heaven, a fact which had made me think twice about renting out that flea infested apartment.

Now, to be honest: I've been to Seventh Heaven before; a couple of times, actually. Tifa, surprisingly, is one of the few members of AVALANCHE that doesn't want to bite my head off or break out the pitchforks at the mere sight of me, Mr. Big Bad Turk. So, I head down to her bar for drinks after work, sometimes. Therefore, I know for certain she makes a mean club sandwich.

Five minutes later and I was standing outside the bar, slight smirk in place. Yep, this is where I go from weird and new "kid friendly" Reno to the smooth, sexy, sarcastic, and natural Reno. Trust me, folks: It's a beautiful thing. Sure, most people say I'm a jerk, but they love it, I know.

"Here goes!" Walking to the door, I made sure to put as much swagger in my step and smirk on my face as possible. Pulling open the door, I strolled into the dingy bar, keeping my hands poised in my pockets. Yep! Calm, cool, and collected, that's me, Reno the Turk.

There it was. Seventh Heaven in all its grunge, yet somehow, charming beauty filled my senses, and I breathed deeply the scent of liquor on the air. And behind the bar, absentmindedly cleaning out a glass, was Tifa, the proprietor of the humble tavern.

Dang…now that's a woman! If you've never seen her, then you've never seen a real woman. Black hair perpetually straight and silky, a leather shirt too tight, and eyes the color of wine, she was hot with a capitol "H". If she wasn't an old member of AVALANCHE and already in love with Mr. Raincloud, then I might make a pass for her myself.

But I make do with making inappropriate comments and staring at her chest. Yep, that's how I roll.

"Tifa!" I called pleasantly. "How's my favorite former enemy and beautiful bar hostess tonight?" Tifa shook her head and turned around, smiling that charming little smile at me, as I took my usual seat at the bar.

"Reno, you will get the same amount of alcohol as everyone else and at the same price, no matter how many compliments you dish out." I pouted a little at this, my green eyes sparkling. Her smile widened. "You want your usual, I suppose?"

"Nah, not tonight, yo," I said regretfully. Man, I could use a drink, "I need two plates of food to go. I've got company over." I said casually, as I leaned forward onto the bar, not mentioning my company was an orphaned girl I found on the streets. Yeah, that wouldn't be the best thing to say, especially since she wouldn't believe me.

Tifa glanced up sharply, a sudden frown in place. "Oh, Reno. After all that happened today? Who is it tonight?" She sighed, immediately thinking I had another of my dates over. Hey! It's not like I've had a lot…just one or two…a week, or so. Well, I'm lonely, ya know?

I smirked. "No one you know, just a pretty little blonde. Why, jealous?" I flung a reckless grin in her direction, green eyes mischievous. Tifa glared.

"Thought not." Stifling a chuckle, I glanced up at the menu, half knowing what I wanted already. "I'll take a club sandwich and for my lovely date…an order of…fish sticks." Yikes, where did that come from? First off, what bar has fish sticks on the menu, and second, why did I just order them?

Then again, I suppose that's what ankle biters eat…I hope.

Of course, the way Tifa was now staring at me, eyebrows shooting up to join her hairline, it kinda told me she thought I was crazy. Well, crazier then she thought I was five minutes ago.

"Fish sticks?" She repeated, not moving from her spot staring at me with that curious smile. Mentally scrambling for an answer, I nodded.

"Yep. She's on a diet, Teef. Not all girls remain as stick thin and busty as you do, babe." Allowing my eyes to swiftly travel down the front of her outfit, I added a mean grin to complete it, and BAM! Tifa is now glaring Buster Swords at me, but at least she ain't thinking 'bout fish sticks anymore.

Uh huh, I know I'm smooth.

"Eyes up, Turk, or I swear I won't hesitate to repeat the smack down we gave you in Midgar!" Teef said hotly and turned around, grabbing a plate and slamming it down with much more force than needed. I winced like mad, realizing she was now going to be in a very bad mood for the rest of my present visit…and probably the rest of the week.

Ah, no matter! I suppose Remona is worth it. And maybe, after the kid's gone, I'll tell Tifa the dazzling story of how I took in an orphan off the streets and fed her off my own plate. Chicks dig that kinda thing, right? I might think about it.

"Here's your food, can I get you anything else?" Tifa dropped the two plates in front of me, but by the way she was glaring, I really doubted the sincerity of her offer. Besides, I wanted to get out of there before Spike got home…we were "friends" as far as "not killing each other on sight" goes, but if I'm hitting on Tifa, then he might rethink those warm, fuzzy feelings.

"Nah, I'm good." I grabbed the plates and grinned at her. "It's nice to see ya again, Teef, and great job at pretending to save the world again." With that, I turned around and beat a hasty retreat, the force of her glare penetrating my back every step of the way. As soon as I was outside, I breathed a sigh of relief, my shoulders slumping forward. Dang!

Going to Seventh Heaven used to be fun. Tifa, despite the fact she's AVALANCHE and I'm Turk, wasn't bad for conversation…and eye candy. Plus she's one of those weird "nice" people who doesn't seem to mind the fact I'm a Turk. She kept saying I was now reformed or something. Tsk, as if!

But by the look on her face, I'd say she'd be ticked at me for the next, oh, week or so. That is if I'm lucky. That's okay, though! I'd gotten the food for me and Remona, so now I could feed her, get her in bed, get in bed myself, and then figure out what to do in the morning.

I mean, I already knew what I was going to do. Drop her little butt in a nice orphanage, after making absolutely certain she'd get adopted into a nice, well-off family. See? I'm such a nice guy. I could've just left her on the street or planned to dump her into a rat-infested orphanage. Instead, I'm doing the humane, nice guy thing! Heh, no wonder girls everywhere love me.

"Ah, that's enough thinkin'," I mumbled, and pushed away from the wall, running an agitated hand through my long red hair, "I've got a dinner date."

Author's Note:

PLEASE REVIEW FOR RENO!


	5. Chapter 4: Dinnertime!

**Author's Note:**

I'm soooooooo sorry this took so long! I've been sooo busy and so has my beta…life is crazy, ya know? I got this done as soon as I could and I'm working on the next chapter. Please accept my apologies and gratitude for all those who reviewed.

I want to especially give a shout out to my anonymous reviewer, Silverfox. You gave me the encouragement to get this chappy done, so thank you very much!

Okay! I chatted enough, so please enjoy and I'm working on the next! REVIEW, PLEASE!

When Life Gives You Lemons

Chapter Four: Dinnertime!

After laboring to get the food and collecting my jumbled thoughts, I beat an incredibly hasty retreat from the Den of the Manic Depressed and His Busty Babe. I sped up and practically flew back home to Remona, feeling kinda pleased with myself. I mean, this all was such a fly by the seat of my pants type thing…but at least I managed to get her in the tub and find her food. That was something, right? Especially for a redheaded Turk who didn't know the first thing about kids.

Torturers and homicidal maniacs, sure; little kids, nah. Tifa never did ask me to babysit her orphan clan, after all. Which is probably a good thing, 'cause I'd most likely have ended up offering them smokes, getting them accidently drunk, or something else just as bad.

What can I say? It's who I am.

But with Remona, I really wanted to try and do something right by her. She was only gonna be with me for a day or so after all, so she deserved my very best.

Jamming my key in, I unlocked the door, and headed for the kitchen. Dumping all the food on the counter, I somehow managed to find the only two clean plates in the entire apartment. The rest were sitting were sitting in a slimy, wet heap in the sink, just waiting to be washed…sometime in the distant future.

I actually owned a dishwasher but I've only ever used it once or twice at most. It was far easier to live on takeout and paper plates.

"Alrighty, now." I muttered and fixed everything up on the plates, turning to the kitchen table. Well, I assumed there was a kitchen table underneath the heap of papers, magazines, piles of ash, ammo, and other assorted crap. Frowning, I briefly contemplated cleaning it off… and then realized how stupid that sounded.

I mean, why clean when you can sweep an arm across and dump everything onto the floor? And that's exactly what I did! I just shoved the crap onto to floor and kicked it into a neat pile in the corner.

There! All clean… could Martha Stewart do any better? Everyone knows men are far more creative cleaners then women with their frilly pink aprons and cookie-scented houses.

"Yeah, that's how it's done!" I cheered, and sat the plates on the table, feeling kinda proud of myself. Despite the mess and all the dirty dishes, I was actually feeling all homey and clean; setting the table for two and stuff. Who knows? Maybe there really is a clean freak homemaker underneath my Turk uniform.

Nah!

Turning to the fridge, I reached in and pulled out two cokes, settling them on the table as I took a moment to marvel at the fact I actually owned a drink that didn't contain alcohol. "Hmm…must've been out of beer last time I went to the store." I mused aloud, shrugging.

"Okay! So, that's a clean table, food, and drinks. By Jove, I think I've got it!" I smirked, mentally patting myself on the back. Ooh…I'm so good! I set a table all by myself…DEFINITELY asking Tseng for a raise next time I see him. Yes, that's called sarcasm, kids; I'm better at it than being a Turk, which is hard to imagine.

But regardless of whether or not I'm a domestic god, I did manage to get everything set up for Remona. Now I just needed to go check on her and make sure she hadn't drowned.

Strolling back through my apartment, I knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Remona! Ya pruned out in there, or what?" I called through the door, smirking slightly when my sharp Turk ears detected her slight chuckle.

"Un-huh! I'm dressed and coming out, Reno!" She called and I stood back as the door opened. And there she stood, looking like a little princess. Okay, so she was wearing my pajamas, which dwarfed her little form, and her hair was wet and slightly frizzy, and her pants were nearly falling off.

But she looked like a princess to me, alright?

"Hey!" I exclaimed in fake shock, "Lookie there! There was a little girl underneath all that dirt!" Remona rewarded me with another of her little chuckles that sounded like some sort of fairy laugh or something. Oh lord…did I really just think that?

I'm either going completely soft, or I'm losing my ever lovin' mind! I really, really hope it's not the latter.

"How do I look?" Remona asked, spinning around like she was wearing a fancy schmancy dress and not my favorite, chopped up PJ set. I grinned and bent down to her level.

"You look like a…" A vagabond, "like a little Princess!" I finished, patting her blonde head like I'd seen some clichéd parental person do on TV. "The clothes fit you alright?" Like I can't see that they're twenty sizes too big…but Remona nodded, and grinned happily.

"Yep! They're big but really, really comfy. Thank you, Reno!" She said, and I smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head. Mylanta, it was only a pair of PJs but to her it was like some priceless gift, or something. Then again, she spent her whole life on the streets; so I guess she didn't really get a whole lot of gifts.

Dang…that's sad.

"No problem, squirt, happy to oblige!" I cheerily waved off her gratitude, "Now, how's about I feed ya a nice meal, or something?" Remona's face lit up like Christmas… you'd have thought I'd just offered to buy her a pony or something! But then again, I guess a hot meal is like a pony to a kid living on the streets.

Darn, I'm depressing myself again! And a depressed Turk is…well, a homicidal, normal type Turk, but that ain't the point! Gotta put on a happy face for the kid, ya know.

"Un huh! I'd like that." Remona agreed, looking all cute and starving. With a slight sigh, I stood up and gestured to the kitchen, forcing a perky smile. Perky…are my eyes twitching yet?

"Alrighty, then! Just follow your gracious host this away and soon you'll be chowing down." I bowed theatrically and Remona laughed once more, causing me to grin. Hey! If I can make small orphaned children laugh, I win at life, right? Yeah, yeah I'm sure you agree.

Two short minutes later, and I was helping Remona up into one of the chairs, showing off the brilliant fish sticks that I suffered to get. Okay, so maybe I just walked two blocks to get them, but by the way Tifa'd been glaring at me, there's a good chance I could've died for those fish sticks.

"Viola! Piping hot fish sticks, compliments of Reno!" I said with relish, feeling almost pleased when Remona stared at them, a hungry look in her eyes. She shot me one of those heart-of-stone melting smiles.

"You made them just for me? Thank you, Reno. You're nice!" Remona said, clapping her little hands together. Okay, now I KNOW my eyes are twitching! And, for some weirder then weird reason, I felt sad. I don't know why, but when she said I was nice, I just felt this sudden kind of sadness inside me; for no reason whatsoever.

"Yeah, well…not many people would agree with ya there, kid." I mumbled, so quietly she couldn't hear. Shaking off these thoughts and sitting myself down next to her, I forced one of my patented plastic smiles and gestured to her food.

"Well, go on and have some, kiddo. We don't stand on ceremony here, ya know." Remona glanced over at me once and then turned on those fish sticks, a suddenly ravenous look in her violet eyes. Well, I didn't need to tell her twice. Suddenly, she was scarfing down those fish sticks so fast, I was half surprised she wasn't chocking.

"Guess it was a bit longer then I thought." I mused aloud, hoping not to be heard. No dice.

"Huh? What 'cha say, Reno?" Remona asked with a mouth full of fish sticks, causing me to wince. Last time I had talked with my mouth full, Elena had nearly belted me. But, hey! It's me, ya know? I don't do the whole "manners" thing, and I wasn't about to make Remona do something I wasn't gonna do.

"I was just wondering…you said you lived on the streets, right? How'd ya get food?" I asked coyly, trying not to be obvious; when I was really dying to know. Remona swallowed her mouthful, and looked down at the plate, her eyes slightly faraway.

"Oh, I stole whatever I could find… but only from those rich people that had enough all the time. When I couldn't find something to steal, I'd just go a little hungry that night." She admitted, not looking up at me. Now, I'm a big boy Turk, and I know them orphans you see on the news living on the streets probably didn't eat out every night, but I still felt sorta sick. There's a difference between seeing the twerps on the TV, looking all pathetic, and having one of them in my kitchen.

"Oh." One stupid word that so didn't cover how bad her stupid, screwed up life has been and how screwed up I felt in that moment. But I wasn't about to start going angsty all over her…she'd been through enough; she deserves a happy, peppy Reno.

"Well, you're eating well tonight!" I exclaimed cheerfully, "And you know what, why don't you take my sandwich here? I ain't so hungry, and it's no good for growing girls to eat just fish sticks…you need some pork and bread, too." I said with an easy grin, magically pulling out a random fact I probably learnt when channeling surfing and accidently watching Bill Nye the Science Guy, because Tseng only knows I blocked all channels that I could actually learn anything from…too much brainpower after a hard day, ya know?

"Oh. But aren't you hungry after working all day?" Remona questioned, casting her brilliant blue-purple eyes upon me. I stiffened, and forced a fake smile, mentally smacking myself.

"Umm, no! I'm not that hungry. 'Sides, I got something sitting in the fridge." Yeah, like three week old pizza… at least it can't kill me. Can it? Aww, who cares! The way Remona was going at that club sandwich was pathetic and sad. She probably hadn't had this good of a meal in quite some time, and it made me feel guilty.

In a way, Shin-Ra was responsible for most of these orphans; and I guess ole' Rufus hasn't figured out (or taken the time to figure out) how we can help them. People like Cloud and his babe, now they're doing things to keep the kiddies safe and fed; but the Turks? Nah…we're still keeping close to the Prez and not exactly doing too many helpful things.

But that could change! Who knew? But dang, staring at the little kiddy going at that sandwich (the wonderful quality, juicy and tasty sandwich) was making me hungry, especially considering I had nothing but three week old pizza covered in fungus to eat later. Ah, well!

She needed the food way more than me. But, then again, I did spend most of the day running around, and trying not to get killed by homicidal maniacs and out of control Summons.

But hey, that's in my job description, you know? It's somewhere under the dental plan and before the "dry cleaning not included" clause.


End file.
